Elton: I'd been trained for this. Victor Kennedy's classes covered basic surveillance and espionage. Step one: engage your target. Find some excuse to start a conversation. But how was I gonna do this? How?
Jackie: Excuse me love, you couldn’t give us a quid for two fifties, could you?
Elton: Yeah... Just a...ah, da-da!
Jackie: Oh lovely! Cheers.
Elton: Step two: without provoking suspicion, get on first name terms with the target.
Jackie: My name’s Jackie. By the way.
Elton: I’m Elton.
Jackie: Ah, you don’t meet many Eltons, do you? Apart from the obvious!
Elton: Step three: ingratiate yourself with a joke or some humourous device.
Jackie: I tell you what, Elton. Here we are, complete strangers, and I’m flashing you me' knickers!
Elton: Step four: find some subtle way to integrate yourself into the target’s household.
Jackie: Mind you, I’m only down here because my washing machine’s knackered. I don’t suppose you’re any good at fixing things, are you?
Elton: Funny, the things you think of with your shirt off.
Jackie: Let me tell you something about those who get left behind. Because it’s hard and that’s what you become: hard. But if there’s one thing I’ve learnt is that I will never let her down and I’ll protect them both until the end of my life. So whatever you want, I'm warning you: back off.
The Doctor:Someone wants a word with you.
Rose: You upset my mum!
Elton:...great big absorbing creature from outer space, an' you're having a go at me?
Rose: No one upsets my mum.
Abzorbaloff: At last, the greatest feast of all, the Doctor!
The Doctor: Interesting. Some sort of Abzorbatrix... Abzorbaclon, Abzorbaloff...
Abzorbaloff: Abzorbaloff, yes.
Rose: Is it me, or is he a bit... Slitheen?
The Doctor: You're not from Raxacoricofallapatorius, are you?
Abzorbaloff: No! I'm not the swine; I spit on them! I was born on their twin planet.
The Doctor: Really? What's the twin planet of Raxacoricofallapatorius?
Abzorbaloff: Clom!
The Doctor: Clom?
Abzorbaloff: Clom. Yes. And I'll return there victorious, once I possess your travelling machine.
The Doctor: Well, that'll never happen.
Abzorbaloff: Oh, but it will! 'Cause you'll surrender to me, Doctor. You'll do as I say, or this one dies. See, I've read about you, Doctor. I've studied you. So passionate, so sweet: you wouldn't let an innocent man die! And I'll absorb him, unless you give yourself to me.
The Doctor: Sweet, maybe... Passionate, I suppose... But don't ever mistake that for nice.
Elton: When you're a kid, they tell you it's all "grow up. Get a job. Get married. Get a house. Have a kid, and that's it." But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that. It's so much darker. And so much madder. And so much better.
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